book of the mercy

i will have faith in my Lord and i will trust that whatever is set for me is what he sees best, even if i dont understand it now. 

i will have faith in my Lord that whatever i do, i will give whatever i can for it, and that i will not lose hope, as much as i will never lose hope in Him. 

i have faith in my Lord, and i trust that whatever obstacles or bounties, good or bad people, and the people that i especially love, are here to teach me something about life and my faith in You. please God, the one person i need in my life is given to me by you, and I trust that you place our paths together to bring out the best in each other. please let this work out, both my life, and ours. 

book of the parallel

we are worlds apart

there is food in the kitchen, snacks on the table, and actual house to go home 

to, a loving mom who kisses you on the nose and tells you how anyone is lucky to have you. 

a father that puts your needs and wants right before you as you ask them. no other family or cousins that you mention that you feel like they are messed up, or ruin what makes everything seem perfect. 

and we are worlds apart. 

i avoid home a much as i possibly can. working and occupying myself with being anywhere else but home. i get fairly surprised when i come home to dinner. a timed dinner with everyone gathered by the table is rare.

i always feel like an unecessary ornament. sometimes it hurts to see how she's working so hard to give us this life. i see debates showing up in platforms about how parents should never mention financial strains to their children in fear that they can feel less worthy or that their lives was a mistake made. 

it hurts. she has no trouble in expressing where we are economically. it hurts. she had to pick herself up with her own two feet as soon as the only source of support left. it hurts. she had to toughen up no matter how hard it was.

it hurts.

we are worlds apart. 

our souls are fragile. i dont want to lose you