book of the boring

happy eve/new year

i went out earlier to get some school shoes near my place and everyone else was dressed up waiting around with their friends and what not and there i was with my hair undone like hagrid's in sweats but that's ok.

and then bought a carton of milk and shared it with my cat. and then dyed my hair jet black.
and when i washed it off the shower floor was covered in black stuff that it seemed and reminded me of those demon-horror movies where some demon just puked pure evil all over the floor aka jennifer's body

so yes. how i spent my eve/new year.
but right now everything is so noisy it's ringing in my ears. twitter is flooded with annoying people and everywhere else is the same. i dont know how to start the new year.

i just hope i'll be a better individual. with better grades.

book of the worthless

i felt so bad because i couldnt do anything to help

i felt so bad because i only make things worse

i felt so bad because the only thing i probably do is just screw things up & not able to fix anything afterwards.

i cried because i feel worthless

i cried because i couldnt do anything to make things better

i cried because i hurt you

i cried harder because hearing people talk to comfort me just makes things worse.

book of the cake

less than a week to school

less than a year to my biggest major examination so far

i've yet to do my art assignment

or get pumped up for the art o level question paper

or finish the book im reading 

or anything, really. 

other than that, watsons held this members only sale and i had to queue to go inside the shop and people were probably just unknowingly queuing because they saw a queue and picking up random things because everything was apparently on sale. 

and i did the thing i thought i'd never do

which was to buy

a bottle of foundation.

i hope i dont turn into a cake too soon. 

book of the getaway

at my stay in Batam i did my first ever spa massage treatment, also the first time i've ever bared my naked in front of a stranger. good thing the lighting was pretty dark. other than that everything was pretty good, nice hotel, cheap stuff, bla bla other that the ferry ride back to singapore. 

1) the whole ferry ride back there was spoof videos of gangnam style played back to back on the tv and it gave me a horrible headache and made me cringe just by watching it. 

2) people pushing while we wait for the ferry and people everywhere mainly. something i hate to deal with. 

book of the thrift

murphy's law: Murphy's law is an adage or epigram that is typically stated as: "Anything that can go wrong will go wrong".

i remember being introduced to this law, but explained in an example of "you stand at the opposite side of the road waiting for a cab but none on it but the opposite one full with it. and when you cross to the opposite side, cabs start to disappear and magically appear on the opposite side." or something like that.

in that case, today, i went to the mall with intentions of getting a birthday present for my sister & getting a lego mines of moria set for myself. but there wasnt any when i arrived at the ~lego store~ which i was sure should have stocks of them because god damn it, it was a lego store, right?! 

aaaaanyway i spent almost 50 bucks on gifts and i'm left with $40 and apprently when you're at the mall, you magically lose track of what youre spending on and i dont even know where i spent on on $30. geez.

book of the mundane

this past week:

1. found a new fandom 
2. watched all of LOTR all over again
3. bought a new book to read 
4. watched the hobbit!
5. quite content that i now have another fandom i belong to
6. frequent the tampines and the lego shop far too many times in a week 
7. going again tomorrow to figure out what to give to people who are born in december & january
8. contemplating on wether i should get the mines of moria lego set
9. still wondering why they did not include frodo in the set, because he, after all, got stabbed by the troll 

book of the disappointed, raging, angry, confused fan

the last airbender movie was a horrid movie. the only thing they got right was princess yue because she looked gorgeous and perfect, but the scenes/sequence that she was involved in were incorrect, so…

i mean i get the part where they changed the storyline a little bit to make it within the time theyve set but messing around the facts was really wrong.

like how they said the fire nation started the war because they didnt want anything to do with the spirit world. like how "ong" keeps yammering about wanting to meet some 'dragon spirit' bullshit. like how "ong" said that a monks have to meditate without being distracted in order to get the tattoos.
and what the fuck was that all about, the part where firebenders werent able to draw fire out of their own hands?

URGH EVERYTHING WAS SO WRONG.

the only thing they couldve at the very least make things make sense was to make the fire nation population look chinese-asian and the water tribe look native american/indian. seriously commander zhao with that face?!! and what the fuck is ee-roh? or soe-kah? and agni ki?!?! seriously?! urgh.

- end of rant-

other than that i wish they could not have named the movie with the blue people in it 'avatar'. it confuses too much people. just when i thought someone was actually on the same page but then theyre not after listening just makes me sad.

and if you also happen to be as much of a massive nerd over avatar as much as i am, be sure to say hi okay, we should totally be friends. (x)

book of the shallow and materialistic

today i helped my sister and her friend for some write-your-wish-on-these-balls booth thing and it was pretty interesting. i had a good laugh, laughing at people and laughing with people.

and there were people who wrote wishes like 

"I WISH FOR AN EUROPEAN GIRLFRIEND"

"GOOD GRADES BE SKINNY BE PRETTY" bla bla bla very material things like that. 

and i wrote things like

i hope they wont make m. night shamalayan the director for the next avatar film (if any) or just not make avatar into a movie 

i hope they make a really good movie out of my favourite books  

ALL As FOR O LEVELS!! PASS ALL THE SUBJECTS!!

and things like that. and right now i'm going to watch the horribly done movie claimed by every viewer  and then after that i'll wish that i should have never watched it but right now i'm going to anyway knowing this is a terrible decision. 

book of the lazy

5 years old birthday, i think? on a precious ancient polaroid // the whole corkboard shabang (with pee results from WEP!!  // perks movie ticket, talk about monumental, because it was my first nc 16 movie. 

pretty much stayed at home all week because i'm too broke to go anywhere and even when i want to go out for a walk to the library or something, it's either raining heavily or scorching hot. but going to the library doesnt even help because i'm $10 in debt of the library from overdue fines. 

and the library threatening to incur $2 more if i dont pay by god knows when also didnt help.

so today was a lot more productive then the rest of the week because i finally came around to ~clean~ my room and also my ~desk~ oh my precious favourite desk/workspace

and then i took photos with my ~mad photo taking skillz~ aka horrible and yeah that was the peak of my week. dont even know why i'm telling you all this. 

book of the unaccomplished

favorite sweaters. but i have far too many for someone who lives in a humid country.

i have mixed feelings about school starting in a month. it'll be my final year and we'll be sitting at the gallery every assembly at the hall and also less than a year to o levels and once school starts we'll be getting out art question paper and everything just scares me so much right now i want it to stop.

other than that it seems like i have achieved nothing over the holidays unlike of what i've planned, like read more books and practice some splits and workout more but no. none of that is done.

i need to stop being a fat cat.

book of the "complacent"

my day was good. not really good but just good.
today we toured around the radiology department and it was pretty cool, got to see right through a patient (literally) while she swallowed barium sulfate and observed MRI scans and what not.

also most of the people we met told us to work hard so we can all land to a good course, on our way to a good paying job bla bla bla
just really makes me think about this unreal near-future post o-level results period when i'll be applying for schools and picking out courses & i just really hope i wont have to land on a awful one which can practically make my life a living hell not doing what i really like.

.. it just seems too unreal and i get too worried about it..

book of the ironic

i worry too much. i worry about how people would see me as. i worry about first impressions. 

most of all i worry if i seem like to you, i try too hard.

book of the unpleasant

you know what would be such a fantastic idea right now?

for you to shut the fuck up!! oh. my. god. isn't that brilliant?!?!?!?!

on a lighter note, i'm at day 3/4 of cgh work experience, and tomorrow's radiography.
so far i've enjoyed myself and the other day while at the lab they made us take tests on our own urine and the technician told me that i was dehydrated & havent been eating based on my results.
hah hah haaaaaaaaa.

book of the well spent

on sunday, sue may and i did our volunteering duties again (did the same thing, feed goats, groom rabbits and combed a fellabella's mane bla bla bla)  and this time after we were done we went to explore the whole zoo, to the places we've havent been to. 

(click on the photos for a bigger/clearer view)

^ lemurs cuddling (!!!) while it was drizzling & there was one who sat really close & we wanted to take a selca with it but.. it didnt like looking at the camera almost all of the photos were too blurry. this was the best shot ha ha ha 

book of the impractical

these past few days consisted of

1. watching a lot of videos of youtube. shows, make up tutorials (lol), shorts and skits. 
2. trying to figure out make up
3. trying on clothes that's perfect for a very cold weather, but impractical enough to wear out in this country
4. and not even going out despite trying to experiment on make up. still cant figure them out. 
5. in-ears headset hunting. sadly have found none. 
6. calculating how much i need and how much i have to spend on birthday gifts for mom and sis this december. 
7. and getting sick all over again. ears ringing, bones aching and my heart feels like it's trying to beat its way out of my chest 

sigh.

book of what

1. save my hair, my curls are stripped off and it's really dry. tho i love the colour. 
2. is it okay to be so in love with a bag you just purchased, wanting to bring it around wherever you go? i guess not. 

book of worries

hi. the holidays are too boring and i've reached the point where i dont know what else to do on the internet. apart from that things are still normal, arguments with mom, worrying about my future, worrying that i'm worrying too much, worrying that i'm not doing anything, worrying about o level art, worrying that i'm not that much of a healthy well balanced teenager who has friends that occasionally ask each other out, and a whole lot of other stuff. mainly just worrying. i dont think that's really healthy for me. 

apart from that, yesterday & today was a bit different, i finally had something to do that required me to step out of the apartment, i had an appointment with my orthodontist and i still have to continue wearing my elastics /cries/ and while she asked me to choose my colour, i nearly picked this pretty pastel colour but i feel like i couldnt make those kinds of decisions in such a short period of time because dr song was staring and yeah. 

and then today i went to this work experience programme at cgh and jeremy and i apparently didnt get the memo that we werent signed up and that we had to wear our school uniforms. 

that honestly felt painful because i felt like i didnt matter bla bla bla also the other schools that were invited were the superior kinds that i cant even dream of entering and were really good at talking i was ajshdgahjgfdsjfgh 

well thats it. i hope you enjoyed me rambling about the most amusing thing this week thus far.

book of the seriously?

my weekend was spent at my cousin's wedding, helping out, having fun & just being there.

i'll also be sure that when i get married, there wont be any karaoke booth, there will just be an orchestra or symphony or whatever, just not, never, a karaoke booth with an annoying deejay with annoying music. 

other than that, weeks ago, i went out alone to a mall and.. keep getting looks whenever i walk into a store. i dont know, it was probably my blue hair along with my black raglan tee and black jeans. i bet they just thought i was just another punk ready to steal something off their store. 

i guess it is true after all, my sister told me that people take you less seriously after you've dyed your hair a pretty vibrant colour. sigh stereotypes.

book of the splendid

socks all the way from korea, given by sue may n_n

on a delightfully lighter note, today officially marks the end of bridging program and the start of my holidays. i was really thinking of going to town, to the very unfamiliar place but most known place and just find my way around. but i'm just completely broke to no words.

other than that my english teacher told me i look/reminded her of pocahontas. but my forehead wasnt as big. geez i thought my forehead was big enough.

book of the bipolar

i look at the views i get on my blog everyday and wonder where each view comes from. who's reading it. and what i mean in their life for them to take a minute to care to read about my blog.

STOP IT AMIRAH STOP OBSESSING ABOUT YOUR VIEW COUNT

p/s you should drop by and say hi http://formspring.com/amirahhanif

book of the smarty pants

bony wrists, fat body lol. 

recently, i just made an amazing discovery, i realized all of my pullovers can just be paired with a white collared top underneath and it just makes everything look nicer. and smarter. 

cant believe that i hadnt thought of that before. but i'm just going to ask my mom to snip off the collar parts and sew it on my pullover lol.

book of grainy

1. a birthday isnt complete without tons of helium balloons.
2. moggie being a ball of fur
3. a very long leather jacket i bought which i never wore because it's always too hot out and it bothers me. it's also a very stupid purchase that i made, really.
4. and blue hair. yay. 

book of the loving

sunday was spent with rabbits and pandas at the zoo with sue may. it was pretty fun and went a lot better than expected. 

our job was actually to just be conservation ambassadors and apprently just talk to people about animal facts but the very kind keeper said that we could groom them in the cages and hold them to let the visitors pet instead so yeah. 

and no, the panda photo isnt mine but i put it there just to remind you what they look like. okay. no. 

but pandas always look like theyre smiling tho. 

and pretty smart. 

book of the mermaid hair

tuesday.  little bit of purple at the roots and atlantic blue for the rest of it, but the bleach was uneven so the colour turned out really cool, like strips of dark blue and ash green and this really pretty shade of blue. 

book of the socially awkward

apparently i'm afraid of doing things alone.

so next weekend, i should be on duty at the zoo with sue may, also a tour about the pandas!!  and i just really hope the department head in volunteer would still make her pass on time since they've said that we need to e-mail them our picture on the monday of our duty weekend and sue may's only getting back from korea in tuesday or wednesday, i think.

or i'll be doing my duty alone and be joining the panda tour alone. so i hope things will turn out really well, because i cant stop worrying.
if that doesnt happen i hope someone i know (which is so far, only 2 friends i made that's not from our school during training) will be there. so i wont be the very awkward person who's all alone during the tour. unless someone really friendly comes up or something.
i dont know. i'm just terrible at making friends first & am just super socially awkward.

so, apparently, i'm afraid of doing things alone.

book of questions

" Perhaps I'm the only island
Afterwards, someone introduces a requested song
A sad song that I used to really like at one point
I wonder if that person is alone as well
In a place where a long day can rest

He hangs up the phone and grumbles, as if he's mad
My eyes linger on the family photo taped above the meter
I wonder if the reason for this wandering is because
There is no home, or there is nowhere to go
Or is it that there are lots of places to go
But no one to wait for me?"

i left early on the last day of school due to a sudden fever popping up after 2 hours in an air conditioned room. what was really extremely silly was that i sort of broke down by the general office upon trying to get the green light to leave the school. the admin was making such a big fuss & my mom's cell couldnt get through & i couldnt call any of my sisters because i forgot their phone numbers & i had this terrible headache & yeah so i broke down. 

i dont really know why. i guess i think i looked broken in the eyes of admin who i keep trying to explain why i cant reach my mom or any of my siblings. i felt like i didnt matter or something. 
i cried a lot more in the cab on the way home & i feel bad somehow, for the cab driver to listen to my sobs. i just dont know why. really.  

this is all really silly actually. after i slept off the fever i felt like the event earlier never happened or was from another time after i woke up. 
i wouldnt like to think that something is really wrong with me, i just need to figure out my emotions and control them at the right time. 

book of the wallflower

so i watched the perks of being a wallflower and it's just pretty amazing. but i wished they could explain why charlie gave sam that beatles record for christmas and what it meant to him and how much it means to him by giving it to sam. 

all i can say is that someone like charlie is such a gem. someone who just puts others before himself and that's just what makes him so lovely. 

the movie made me cry as much as the book did. the aunt helen scenes and flashbacks already got me crying like a whimp in the cinema. especially this part. when he just keep telling himself to stop crying. 

LOL my feels. 

book of content

my day was particularly weird today.
i scored a lot better than i expected for my biology, malay exposition, accounting & art.

though i'm only 1.5 marks away from getting a pass in my biology paper, it still had come to quite a shock because i remember finishing and leaving the exam venue thinking about how i'm going to badly screw the paper. same goes for the other papers.

i dont know what to feel, i feel contented for the fact that i didnt disappoint myself and also i feel a little bit undeserving because throughout the year i've been getting either "hit or miss" marks for poa and all of the sudden i passed this paper while there were some others who had ben scoring As failed the paper.

but i shouldnt get all content with my average marks because well, to you it may just seem like i'm being "complacent."

whatever that means.

book of odd dreams

"if somebody likes me, i want them to like the real me, not what they think i am. and i don't want them to carry it around inside. i want them to show me, so i can feel it, too. i want them to be able to do whatever they want around me. and if they do something i don't like, i'll tell them" 

she waited patiently for my answer. but after everything she said, i figured that i should just do what i wanted to do. not think about it. not say it out loud. and if she didn't like it, then she could just say so. and we could go back to packing.  

so i kissed her. and she kissed me back. 

i had a dream similar to this, earlier. just that i wasnt sam. i was the charlie in the situation. it was odd, because i thought i was over you and we werent even together. maybe it's because how bad i feel for pushing you away like that or something.
but the dream felt real, though. like the way you put your arms around me felt warm, and i felt warm and i can vividly remember me thinking about how i longed for such warmth and this is how it feels like. everything felt real.
but i dont think i want it to be. not with you, no.

i dont know why. i told myself i shouldnt let it affect me too much, that i shouldnt let it get to my head.

but it has. right now i just dont know what to feel.

book of advice

word of advice?

suck it up.

some people have it a lot worse than you and you make it seem like you're the only one with such problems in this world. you're never alone and you need to fucking suck it up and be strong about it.

because after all, there are people who have it worse. thanks.

- a

book of the great serenade

today marked the very last day of my finals. and hopefully if i make it, it'll be finally our final year in secondary school in a few months. 4 months isn't such a long time, it really scares me. i feel like everything else is moving on so fast but i'm just standing still unmoved. ok enough with the depressing thought.

but anyway my art finals went better than i expected, but i dont think the marks will  differ from the mid-years. so after our paper lay yi sang for me clara c's shy that way cover with her guitar she bought to school (which is the 'something' she promised to give me a day before!!) and after that lay yi, sandra & i with a few other people who happened to be around, sang some songs and it was really nice.

today is a good day and i hope you have a great weekend ahead.

book of complacency, whatever that means.

right now i'm just wondering about my place in this world. and how complacent i am about things. and how difficult i am and it's just so frustrating, it's like i can't do anything about it.

but you know, people would just tell you how you make the change but i dont know if that's possible. i'm speaking like a true lazy, unbelieving ass.

but anyway today i ended school early and thought about eating pancakes but my sister & mom bought me to bugis to eat The Best Prawn Noodles Ever In Singapore aka at Tong Seng. Then we did more walking around and by the time we wanted to head home i felt so lethargic & tired, like i wanted to sleep off all of this waking nightmare week. I had a nice nap then, and after that watched a lot more of The Secret Circle. now it's close to 10 and my chemistry & math finals are tomorrow.

I can already hear what you're going to say, like I'm not supposed to be "complacent" and should "work hard", whatever that means, and maybe even think less of me now that I'm neglecting my studies this way.
I'm actually trying, trying to be a better person.

book of a wallflower

i have finished Perks of Being A Wallflower in a day and i must say that it's an amazing and book and currently my favorite.
all i can say is that charlie is just someone that's perfect and he might be someone in the sea of faces you see in school, but i hope i'll meet someone like him here.

there were sad parts in the book that made me cry in the book like when he told about his aunt helen & the parts where he felt alone.

but right now i'm supposed to study and i'm stressing about my geography and biology finals tomorrow and the tv being switched on almost the whole day now now that we have this set up box for more tv channels, isnt helping. (gee that was mouthful, need to work on my punctuation.)

anyway i hope you have a wonderful week ahead despite everyone stressing about the exams.

book of hyperfocus

intrigues me how these korean performers can just look completely gorgeous & perfect in these 'airport fashion' shots & layers & flannel tops & long jeans.

i know, i should be doing something productive. but right now i'm tired from the week and just looking forward to the end of exams and holidays.