i dont know if it's today that i'm feeling this way but i just feel like giving up and letting go.
some days i don't know why i'm working this hard.
some days i wonder if it is worth every effort.
some days i feel like people think i'm still not working hard enough - and i'm starting to believe that myself.
some days i feel like i'm trying, trying really hard but i still feel like the running joke.
but most days i try to tell myself that this will all be worth it.
october was okay. i finally left my job. i finally get to see the flaws. i finally get to see a man taking a leap of faith in hopes of landing into a better place with better people after bearing with all the struggles.
but truth to be told i don't think november went off with a great start. i'd say it's not nice to feel really horrible when you're supposed to be happy because you feel like you don't deserve any of it. but i just hope that things just look up from here on.
i've had enough of bad days.
Tuesday, November 4, 2014
Wednesday, October 1, 2014
book of the suck it up
i dont know, maybe i have a problem opening up. if there's one thing i've learned from being other people's confidante it's that all i need to do is suck it up and get on with your life.
truth to be told i'm mostly frustrated because there are people around me asking for credits for what they have gone/is going through - and then take complete advantage of the sympathy given. i have taken in all that i am able to and not bother telling anyone how good or bad my day went because really - all i want to do is get by with my day.
i feel like telling anyone about what's bothering me or not is just irrelevant. i thought i'd never be able to say this but in all honesty, i'm tired of being everyone else's confidante when i myself just try the best i can to get on with my day by just. not. mulling over. what's done.
i guess i'm one to not look past what's happen and focus on what's ahead and i guess that should be a good trait to have, but i'm done with people telling me to just "let it all out".
i dont want to.
i just want to move ahead and not look back thinking about shit i should or should not have done, and i think it's not that hard. i think it takes a lot less effort to stop probing because i don't think im one to keep things to myself, just that i move on without looking back.
truth to be told i'm mostly frustrated because there are people around me asking for credits for what they have gone/is going through - and then take complete advantage of the sympathy given. i have taken in all that i am able to and not bother telling anyone how good or bad my day went because really - all i want to do is get by with my day.
i feel like telling anyone about what's bothering me or not is just irrelevant. i thought i'd never be able to say this but in all honesty, i'm tired of being everyone else's confidante when i myself just try the best i can to get on with my day by just. not. mulling over. what's done.
i guess i'm one to not look past what's happen and focus on what's ahead and i guess that should be a good trait to have, but i'm done with people telling me to just "let it all out".
i dont want to.
i just want to move ahead and not look back thinking about shit i should or should not have done, and i think it's not that hard. i think it takes a lot less effort to stop probing because i don't think im one to keep things to myself, just that i move on without looking back.
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