it's silly sometimes how much of an open book i am. it pains me to the core how I can't mask the things im going through. 

a lot going on this week. it burns me out to feel like i dont have a place anywhere. it makes me feel so done to think i have to work extra harder than anyone here to prove my place. 

i dont know, i dont need to prove my point or anything but i have this grudging feeling to look for some sort of apporval. from whom, i dont know 

"do you know why i was quiet the entire time? i thought that if I can't talk about what im going through without you questioning why i didnt stood up for myself, i know for one, that by just quietly being by your side at least, can take the pain away. 

"you're all that i have, and it sounds so cliché and stupid. being by your side is already enough" 

today was rough towards the end because i feel so done with everything and everyone like whatever the fuck happened to the people who said they got my back or promised to comfort me when im at my worst. right now it almost feels like im all alone in this world (although i know my problems arent at all exceptionally special in this fucking planet) but i dont feel heard, or when i try to talk i dont feel valid, like i have this fucking void inside of me nothing can fill. 

this is so stupid its so fucking stupid i want to smash some shit.