book of the ponder

do i need to have a reason to love you, or to do things for you out of selflessness? 

book of the saudade

remember yesterday you were watching anime while you rested your head against my lap? i stroked your hair, remembering how blissful it was and how at ease i feel, to have you here with me. i know i feel at ease despite where we are, as long as i could feel my heart calling you home. i looked at you, and yet my heart ached, so badly just by looking at you and thinking how precious you are, and how at that moment, i felt like as if i am not worthy of a person to be loved by you. it hurt, it hurts so badly, that i could feel my tears welling. i know for one that if i dont ever get to see you again, or can ever experience a moment like this ever again in my entire life - i know for sure i was content, and madly in love with you. i have my bliss. it is now. 

book of tear a p a r t

"i waited, for so long" i trembled 

something from inside of me ached. this was something ive never felt before. 

i saw it in your eyes

expecting an agressive remark, or question.

but instead all i saw was pain. and lost. 

you sounded small, so small, and it was like as if i was taking away something from you, something that you couldnt fight over for.

like death. and i was reaching in from the depths of your heart, pulling out everything that you confined neatly inside of you, to make you feel pain. 

it was not what i intended, but you still pulled me closer, and held me tighter.