book of the saudade

remember yesterday you were watching anime while you rested your head against my lap? i stroked your hair, remembering how blissful it was and how at ease i feel, to have you here with me. i know i feel at ease despite where we are, as long as i could feel my heart calling you home. i looked at you, and yet my heart ached, so badly just by looking at you and thinking how precious you are, and how at that moment, i felt like as if i am not worthy of a person to be loved by you. it hurt, it hurts so badly, that i could feel my tears welling. i know for one that if i dont ever get to see you again, or can ever experience a moment like this ever again in my entire life - i know for sure i was content, and madly in love with you. i have my bliss. it is now.