book of the parallel

we are worlds apart

there is food in the kitchen, snacks on the table, and actual house to go home 

to, a loving mom who kisses you on the nose and tells you how anyone is lucky to have you. 

a father that puts your needs and wants right before you as you ask them. no other family or cousins that you mention that you feel like they are messed up, or ruin what makes everything seem perfect. 

and we are worlds apart. 

i avoid home a much as i possibly can. working and occupying myself with being anywhere else but home. i get fairly surprised when i come home to dinner. a timed dinner with everyone gathered by the table is rare.

i always feel like an unecessary ornament. sometimes it hurts to see how she's working so hard to give us this life. i see debates showing up in platforms about how parents should never mention financial strains to their children in fear that they can feel less worthy or that their lives was a mistake made. 

it hurts. she has no trouble in expressing where we are economically. it hurts. she had to pick herself up with her own two feet as soon as the only source of support left. it hurts. she had to toughen up no matter how hard it was.

it hurts.

we are worlds apart. 

our souls are fragile. i dont want to lose you

book of the revise

i could follow you to the beggining

just to relive the start

and maybe then we'll remember to slow down

at all of our favourite parts

all i wanted was you, 

all i wanted was you, 

-

"I still remember every part of it, I dont forget all of these things, ever"

"I still remember back then even when youre tired from working 9-5 and travelling halfway across the island for your job you still could have all of the energy to come meet me, even for a few   hours. You would send me back to my place, even, and as we wait for your bus home, drowning and getting lost in our conversations and each other. 

You would look at your bus approaching and say to me "i'll just wait for the next one" because that was how much you wanted to spend time with me"

how things change, but it still feels the same"

he laughed to himself, and then stayed silent for the longest time. i sat there worrying to myself if saying all those things would hurt him. i had no complains to the current we have now, because i still feel the same way just like as if it was exactly a year ago - exhilirating, yet warm to have found a feeling you never thought you'd get to experience anytime too soon.

but reminicscing the times when we were new felt like the place i would want to visit again. 

"i still love you, and i will still do the same things"

he whispered, finally breaking the long silence. he pulled me closer and leaned his head against my shoulders.

"i will still let three buses pass, i will still send you home, i will still see you even when im exhausted" 

he said so quietly, almost mumbling to himself.

"please dont tell me that. i dont want to know it, there is nothing that i want more than you doing things just because you want to do it - not because you feel obligated to your girlfriend, or because im demanding for more of your attention"

-