book of the underachiever

how everything's going at the moment: bad.

i'm slipping away and i'm afraid if i might just lose it one day. i think about it and get breakdowns from it. my effort isnt showing any progress as an effect and to make things worse my form teacher (who apparently doesnt even teach me) told my mom that once i dont understand something during lessons i whip out my book to read. which is a total lie.

i'm trying. i'm trying really hard.
i'm trying to tell you the truth but there's nothing that can testify it.
i'm trying to tell you i'm working on it one by one, starting with what's going through my head.
i'm trying.
i'm trying really hard.

book of the snap

i hope i wont lose it one day.

book of the motivation

maybe i'll be able to scavenge some motivation or whatever you call it. maybe if it doesnt i hope i'll be able to bring myself to accept the fact that there are consequences and i have to live up to it. 

in other words: the past few days went like:

• i wanted to give school a miss but my mom kept telling me how i've crossed the line by not attending school for a day (for being tired)
• motivation level below 0% and i couldve left school by the second period but i made my way through because a) very anal receptionist on that day b) told myself i should suck it up
• nearly broke down a few times in class whenever i think about the level of motivation i currently have at the moment. 
• my chemistry teacher gave nearly everyone in class a small note that contained her testimonial and encouraging words
• and i didnt get one
• the last thing i need is motivation 

most annoying word in history ever: motivation. 

book of the not good in expressing or something

first concert in months, or probably a year. i can't believe i miss being in a crowd and losing myself like that. anyway thanks to ryan, we get these really great privileges like reserved seats in the first few rows and a meet and greet with him. chester see & andrew garcia was there when we arrived in the room ryan was in and they were really cool and hilarious screaming "I LOVE YOU RYAN" before leaving the room. 

also a bunch of really nice people i met while waiting gave us a polaroid and i cant thank them enough for that. 

i had too much of a great time that i couldnt bring myself to school today (but i intended to the night before) but my alarm went off and i stopped it and my mom was shouting something like "NOT GOING TO SCHOOL" or something like that before we both went back to sleep. 

book of the better days

hi. a typical run-through during my absence:

1. mid year exams are (finally) over. a lot of crap happened, like (what seems to my sister) diploma-level chemistry questions, bank reconciliation question when we were told it was not going to be tested prior to the exam, art and everything else. (but look on the bright side we just slayed 1/4 or the exams of the year)
2. gave school a miss on friday because it was really stupid of the school to make us come back after only a day of rest (plus it was a friday, for obvious reasons, duh)
3. received money in the middle of the month by some divine miracle so i bought a pair of jeans (finally, about time) and a book and now i'm broke again 
4. got free tickets to the youtube fanfest! thank you ryan higa for the code and thank you sister for winning it for us!

i'm sure i'll make a vlog about the fan-fest. and i'll also be sure to thank ryan higa in person if i can because we're also invited to the meet and greet. 

this is great. i feel great. i finally feel like i'm at the top of my world. (while it lasts)

book of the seventeen years and 1 week old

i spent a great 17th birthday with my family pigging out at seoul garden buffet. it was just really great attacking and grilling the endless amount of chicken i was able to get.

anyway, unlike last year, i couldnt stop myself for looking forward to my birthday. i really hate it. i knew that if i do so i'll get far more disappointed.
and also a lot of people wished me a happy birthday. you know i'm not particularly fond of that.

but before you jump into the chance of calling me an ungrateful little brat, my explanation is that i feel like birthday wishes from strangers who knew it was my birthday from another source feel so redundant.
redundant. like how you wish for the sake of wishing. and i have to thank for the sake of thanking.

not that i'm asking for everyone to remember when my birthday is, but i feel like the intimate thought associated with a mutual relationship with one another & remembering a birthday by heart because it's someone you're particularly fond of or find that person important in your life is a lot special. am i making sense?

but nonetheless i really love all of your birthday wishes, and they're all sweet. i'm really blessed and i'm really thankful.

book of the interru-

I believe we can all relate to this but
I was reading a goddamn book
And i was constantly getting interrupted
And have been reading the same paragraph

AND I SWEAR I WAS JUST SO PISSED OFF I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO LOSE MY MIND

DEAR GOD.

book of the exhausted

my life summarized in 24 hours

• literally spent the whole of labour day completing my art assignment
• slept at 4 am by the time i was almost done
• black paint spilled all over my bag and got onto my tie which got onto my uniform
• when that happened i wasnt even halfway through the day 
• had to sit in the sun and wait for my classmates to finish running as i marked their timing 

so i made up an excuse to go home and caught up on my sleep. and it turned out that art remedials was cancelled so the hours i spent up trying to peel my eyes open at night was at vain. but lets not fret, i hope the weekend has better things in store for me.