book of the this is really unnecessary

i dont know why i keep putting myself in these situations and i'm the only one making it hard for myself.

exciting stories:

stayed up all night without a single break or anything to do whatever i can on art prelims and by around 5 a.m i was crying so hard because my work was still shit, and i was shaking so badly i couldnt even cut pieces of paper properly.
i insisted that i not go. mom gave in. but i told myself that i'd stayed up all night so what's another 3 hour exam at school.

book of the edge

sometimes it's amazing to think that there are people that still havent given up on me. i dont know what's wrong with me. i can say that there's too many distractions or i've screwed up my attention span but many might just argue that i just lack discipline and willpower and that i'm not scared enough to be moving forward. 

it's amazing there are people who havent given up on me. and those select few are just really on the brink of letting go. or that they claim they havent but who knows. 

i promise you i'm not this sad so often, just that i confide in this space when i dont feel at my very best.