tuesday. little bit of purple at the roots and atlantic blue for the rest of it, but the bleach was uneven so the colour turned out really cool, like strips of dark blue and ash green and this really pretty shade of blue.
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Saturday, October 27, 2012
book of the socially awkward
apparently i'm afraid of doing things alone.
so next weekend, i should be on duty at the zoo with sue may, also a tour about the pandas!! and i just really hope the department head in volunteer would still make her pass on time since they've said that we need to e-mail them our picture on the monday of our duty weekend and sue may's only getting back from korea in tuesday or wednesday, i think.
or i'll be doing my duty alone and be joining the panda tour alone. so i hope things will turn out really well, because i cant stop worrying.
if that doesnt happen i hope someone i know (which is so far, only 2 friends i made that's not from our school during training) will be there. so i wont be the very awkward person who's all alone during the tour. unless someone really friendly comes up or something.
i dont know. i'm just terrible at making friends first & am just super socially awkward.
so, apparently, i'm afraid of doing things alone.
Friday, October 26, 2012
book of questions
" Perhaps I'm the only island
Afterwards, someone introduces a requested song
A sad song that I used to really like at one point
I wonder if that person is alone as well
In a place where a long day can rest
He hangs up the phone and grumbles, as if he's mad
My eyes linger on the family photo taped above the meter
I wonder if the reason for this wandering is because
There is no home, or there is nowhere to go
Or is it that there are lots of places to go
But no one to wait for me?"
i left early on the last day of school due to a sudden fever popping up after 2 hours in an air conditioned room. what was really extremely silly was that i sort of broke down by the general office upon trying to get the green light to leave the school. the admin was making such a big fuss & my mom's cell couldnt get through & i couldnt call any of my sisters because i forgot their phone numbers & i had this terrible headache & yeah so i broke down.
i dont really know why. i guess i think i looked broken in the eyes of admin who i keep trying to explain why i cant reach my mom or any of my siblings. i felt like i didnt matter or something.
i cried a lot more in the cab on the way home & i feel bad somehow, for the cab driver to listen to my sobs. i just dont know why. really.
this is all really silly actually. after i slept off the fever i felt like the event earlier never happened or was from another time after i woke up.
i wouldnt like to think that something is really wrong with me, i just need to figure out my emotions and control them at the right time.
Afterwards, someone introduces a requested song
A sad song that I used to really like at one point
I wonder if that person is alone as well
In a place where a long day can rest
He hangs up the phone and grumbles, as if he's mad
My eyes linger on the family photo taped above the meter
I wonder if the reason for this wandering is because
There is no home, or there is nowhere to go
Or is it that there are lots of places to go
But no one to wait for me?"
i left early on the last day of school due to a sudden fever popping up after 2 hours in an air conditioned room. what was really extremely silly was that i sort of broke down by the general office upon trying to get the green light to leave the school. the admin was making such a big fuss & my mom's cell couldnt get through & i couldnt call any of my sisters because i forgot their phone numbers & i had this terrible headache & yeah so i broke down.
i dont really know why. i guess i think i looked broken in the eyes of admin who i keep trying to explain why i cant reach my mom or any of my siblings. i felt like i didnt matter or something.
i cried a lot more in the cab on the way home & i feel bad somehow, for the cab driver to listen to my sobs. i just dont know why. really.
this is all really silly actually. after i slept off the fever i felt like the event earlier never happened or was from another time after i woke up.
i wouldnt like to think that something is really wrong with me, i just need to figure out my emotions and control them at the right time.
Saturday, October 20, 2012
book of the wallflower
so i watched the perks of being a wallflower and it's just pretty amazing. but i wished they could explain why charlie gave sam that beatles record for christmas and what it meant to him and how much it means to him by giving it to sam.
all i can say is that someone like charlie is such a gem. someone who just puts others before himself and that's just what makes him so lovely.
the movie made me cry as much as the book did. the aunt helen scenes and flashbacks already got me crying like a whimp in the cinema. especially this part. when he just keep telling himself to stop crying.
LOL my feels.
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
book of content
my day was particularly weird today.
i scored a lot better than i expected for my biology, malay exposition, accounting & art.
though i'm only 1.5 marks away from getting a pass in my biology paper, it still had come to quite a shock because i remember finishing and leaving the exam venue thinking about how i'm going to badly screw the paper. same goes for the other papers.
i dont know what to feel, i feel contented for the fact that i didnt disappoint myself and also i feel a little bit undeserving because throughout the year i've been getting either "hit or miss" marks for poa and all of the sudden i passed this paper while there were some others who had ben scoring As failed the paper.
but i shouldnt get all content with my average marks because well, to you it may just seem like i'm being "complacent."
whatever that means.
i scored a lot better than i expected for my biology, malay exposition, accounting & art.
though i'm only 1.5 marks away from getting a pass in my biology paper, it still had come to quite a shock because i remember finishing and leaving the exam venue thinking about how i'm going to badly screw the paper. same goes for the other papers.
i dont know what to feel, i feel contented for the fact that i didnt disappoint myself and also i feel a little bit undeserving because throughout the year i've been getting either "hit or miss" marks for poa and all of the sudden i passed this paper while there were some others who had ben scoring As failed the paper.
but i shouldnt get all content with my average marks because well, to you it may just seem like i'm being "complacent."
whatever that means.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
book of odd dreams
"if somebody likes me, i want them to like the real me, not what they think i am. and i don't want them to carry it around inside. i want them to show me, so i can feel it, too. i want them to be able to do whatever they want around me. and if they do something i don't like, i'll tell them"
she waited patiently for my answer. but after everything she said, i figured that i should just do what i wanted to do. not think about it. not say it out loud. and if she didn't like it, then she could just say so. and we could go back to packing.
so i kissed her. and she kissed me back.
i had a dream similar to this, earlier. just that i wasnt sam. i was the charlie in the situation. it was odd, because i thought i was over you and we werent even together. maybe it's because how bad i feel for pushing you away like that or something.
but the dream felt real, though. like the way you put your arms around me felt warm, and i felt warm and i can vividly remember me thinking about how i longed for such warmth and this is how it feels like. everything felt real.
but i dont think i want it to be. not with you, no.
Monday, October 15, 2012
Sunday, October 14, 2012
book of advice
word of advice?
suck it up.
some people have it a lot worse than you and you make it seem like you're the only one with such problems in this world. you're never alone and you need to fucking suck it up and be strong about it.
because after all, there are people who have it worse. thanks.
- a
suck it up.
some people have it a lot worse than you and you make it seem like you're the only one with such problems in this world. you're never alone and you need to fucking suck it up and be strong about it.
because after all, there are people who have it worse. thanks.
- a
Friday, October 12, 2012
book of the great serenade
today marked the very last day of my finals. and hopefully if i make it, it'll be finally our final year in secondary school in a few months. 4 months isn't such a long time, it really scares me. i feel like everything else is moving on so fast but i'm just standing still unmoved. ok enough with the depressing thought.
but anyway my art finals went better than i expected, but i dont think the marks will differ from the mid-years. so after our paper lay yi sang for me clara c's shy that way cover with her guitar she bought to school (which is the 'something' she promised to give me a day before!!) and after that lay yi, sandra & i with a few other people who happened to be around, sang some songs and it was really nice.
today is a good day and i hope you have a great weekend ahead.
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
book of complacency, whatever that means.
right now i'm just wondering about my place in this world. and how complacent i am about things. and how difficult i am and it's just so frustrating, it's like i can't do anything about it.
but you know, people would just tell you how you make the change but i dont know if that's possible. i'm speaking like a true lazy, unbelieving ass.
but anyway today i ended school early and thought about eating pancakes but my sister & mom bought me to bugis to eat The Best Prawn Noodles Ever In Singapore aka at Tong Seng. Then we did more walking around and by the time we wanted to head home i felt so lethargic & tired, like i wanted to sleep off all of this waking nightmare week. I had a nice nap then, and after that watched a lot more of The Secret Circle. now it's close to 10 and my chemistry & math finals are tomorrow.
I can already hear what you're going to say, like I'm not supposed to be "complacent" and should "work hard", whatever that means, and maybe even think less of me now that I'm neglecting my studies this way.
I'm actually trying, trying to be a better person.
but you know, people would just tell you how you make the change but i dont know if that's possible. i'm speaking like a true lazy, unbelieving ass.
but anyway today i ended school early and thought about eating pancakes but my sister & mom bought me to bugis to eat The Best Prawn Noodles Ever In Singapore aka at Tong Seng. Then we did more walking around and by the time we wanted to head home i felt so lethargic & tired, like i wanted to sleep off all of this waking nightmare week. I had a nice nap then, and after that watched a lot more of The Secret Circle. now it's close to 10 and my chemistry & math finals are tomorrow.
I can already hear what you're going to say, like I'm not supposed to be "complacent" and should "work hard", whatever that means, and maybe even think less of me now that I'm neglecting my studies this way.
I'm actually trying, trying to be a better person.
Sunday, October 7, 2012
book of a wallflower
i have finished Perks of Being A Wallflower in a day and i must say that it's an amazing and book and currently my favorite.
all i can say is that charlie is just someone that's perfect and he might be someone in the sea of faces you see in school, but i hope i'll meet someone like him here.
there were sad parts in the book that made me cry in the book like when he told about his aunt helen & the parts where he felt alone.
but right now i'm supposed to study and i'm stressing about my geography and biology finals tomorrow and the tv being switched on almost the whole day now now that we have this set up box for more tv channels, isnt helping. (gee that was mouthful, need to work on my punctuation.)
anyway i hope you have a wonderful week ahead despite everyone stressing about the exams.
Saturday, October 6, 2012
book of hyperfocus
intrigues me how these korean performers can just look completely gorgeous & perfect in these 'airport fashion' shots & layers & flannel tops & long jeans.
i know, i should be doing something productive. but right now i'm tired from the week and just looking forward to the end of exams and holidays.
Friday, October 5, 2012
book of the truth
 |
| from left /book i had to beg 8 bucks more from mom, i can relate to it a lot/ blue dye fades to ash green in 2 days, boo/ nap with the cat/favorite socks & folded jeans because of my short legs/book bought on impulse/lovely shoes my lovely mom got for me |
the past week was ok. bought books & studied the crap out for my exams. still breathing.
also i was asked and told by a friend that if i was finding true friends in school and i seemed like i am trying to find them. i told her i feel like i'm only making my way through school without trying to be too close to anyone and that the people i hang out with, i feel like i'm only an extension of the group.
that when i care, they dont do the same.
like they dont invite me to any such gatherings or anything but i'm okay with that, i try not to let it get to me. i'm just passing by.
also another told me i'm easily contented. which i guess i pretty am. i seem to find amusement and satisfaction easily eg like hearing a joke and it making my day or simply have someone remember my birthday without being reminded by someone else.
well that came out more than i thought i'd write. have a great weekend.
Thursday, October 4, 2012
book of the significant other
i came across avril lavigne's when youre gone video today.
all i can say is.
i hate looking at "i miss you"s
i hate looking at old people missing other old people.
i hate looking at people losing their significant other.
kind of makes me think how strong of a woman my mother is. how one day you came waking up that your significant other is no longer there. how immediately you need to be strong for your children. how you have to handle and take in so many things just so suddenly.
i.. just really lost it.
all i can say is.
i hate looking at "i miss you"s
i hate looking at old people missing other old people.
i hate looking at people losing their significant other.
kind of makes me think how strong of a woman my mother is. how one day you came waking up that your significant other is no longer there. how immediately you need to be strong for your children. how you have to handle and take in so many things just so suddenly.
i.. just really lost it.
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