"if somebody likes me, i want them to like the real me, not what they think i am. and i don't want them to carry it around inside. i want them to show me, so i can feel it, too. i want them to be able to do whatever they want around me. and if they do something i don't like, i'll tell them"
she waited patiently for my answer. but after everything she said, i figured that i should just do what i wanted to do. not think about it. not say it out loud. and if she didn't like it, then she could just say so. and we could go back to packing.
so i kissed her. and she kissed me back.
i had a dream similar to this, earlier. just that i wasnt sam. i was the charlie in the situation. it was odd, because i thought i was over you and we werent even together. maybe it's because how bad i feel for pushing you away like that or something.
but the dream felt real, though. like the way you put your arms around me felt warm, and i felt warm and i can vividly remember me thinking about how i longed for such warmth and this is how it feels like. everything felt real.
but i dont think i want it to be. not with you, no.
