April 21st.
Dear,
I remember vividly telling myself that all in need to look forward to is April and things will just go smoothly from there because of the things I could look forward to. Like H's birthday and his internship coming to an end the following month, like the coaches finally coming in, like how I'll be turning 19 a few weeks after, and how it's almost the last lap of internship before all of it will be over and I can finally focus for all this weight will be off my shoulders.
But I feel like finally reaching here isn't making me feel any better. I keep constantly getting injured and I keep feeling shitty during training and comps. I feel like I'm not going anywhere. And also I feel like I barely have any time for myself either, let alone for the people that I love.
Being broke all the fucking time isn't helping either and it's not like I get rewarded or any incentive for working so hard.
I'm sorry you have to listen to all of this, me complaining about all of these insignificant issues when there are people out there who have it worse and a lot harder.
But one I can't stand is just listening to people talking about how they think they have it worse when I mention about something I'm going through which is why I usually prefer to act like it's all okay. I iust hate listening to how they think thay have it so hard and wanting to give up while I'm right here still trying to pull it together and trying to make things right. I wish I could say that I do have it worse, but I just remember that I could be going through much worse, or people do have it harder than I do so I just keep it shut.
I'm really sorry again, that you have to listen to all of these things that I have to say, but I think I've kept at it for so long because I'm too tired to complain.
Hold me through this tough time, and I just hope it'll all over, just as soon as it all began.
Love,
