Tuesday, January 28, 2014

book of the ponder

Selfishness demands, "what's in it for me?", while love asks, "what can I give?"
I don't know if i am able to ever exceptionally love a man that already has a noose around his neck just growing more taut by the breath he takes through the cigarette.

I've been thinking a lot about death, lately. not the kind of suicidal thoughts, but in the most raw form of the word. when youre just not there. when you leave. when you leave because it's caused by a habit you choose. i dont know how to say it.

the only example i can think of is my late father. but i dont know if saying what he chose was something "selfish" because all i know that whatever has happened and whatever will happen is what God knows is best to take place.

i dont know. i'm rambling tonight. i'm feeling a lot more emotional than i should be tonight. might be teen hormones fluctuating and being all over the place, or maybe the completely new environment that had me thinking so much about death. there's something wrong with me. new school and all i think about is death.